Life's tough challenges (this was a draft dated a few weeks back...i finally got round to posting it...)

its been a few weeks now since i last blogged and so many things have happened since then.firstly, i've come to the conclusion that him and i r definitely drifting apart...but then again...i've always knew we would since the moment i told him abt the separation. the drifting apart thing...that, i knew, was inevitable, becos one simply cant expect to stay close to someone when u barely ever talk to him (or her) anymore.But even though we've drifted apart, spiritually, i know he'll always be with me, and vice versa. and if we do drift apart, we could always catch up with each other the next time i see him (which, i most definitely, without a doubt, will.), and this can be done in a jiffy. i did something terribly wrong today again. i chatted with him on msn today and have once again, manage to get him upset. i know i can be such a jerk sometimes.heres the story...he was telling me abt a surprise he was planning to give me but didnt tell me when...i was asking him abt how mass scale it was and if it was gonna be on national television, and he said it just maybe on national telly....the thoughts that first ran through my mind were : 1.omg!... national televison? live telecast? 2. omg! this is so deja-vu...i can still remember dreaming of this myself abt 1 month ago. it was the most unforgettable dream i ever had...3. omg! he's gonna do that? aw he's so sweet... 4. oh but seriously???...oh i feel like this is a fairytale...And then i asked him if it'll cost gazillions and he said that he had a plan and i was like 'omg! what plan???' And before i know it i was saying stuff like 'hey be careful what yr doing hor...' and 'r u serious??' and ' this is abit....unrealistic' ....apparently that took away all his enthusiasm abt it. Urgh. im so sorry dear. sighs. i was happy when he told me abt that but instead of showing how happy i am, i wounded up shooting his surprise down. what a freak i am. He planned it all so perfectly im sure, and i just shot him down like that, and that got him depressed. dear, i didnt mean to sound so harsh, actually, i do think that u shld just go ahead with the plan, but now that u've told me it isnt really a surprise anymore isit? hehe...
then he told me that now he has nothing to do at home here(cos all his friends love drinking and going to pubs and he just doesnt want to mix with them. thank god. ), and his friends and ppl mock him for saying that he loves me , that he is waiting for me for 2 years even though he's only known me for a few months and getting a diploma for me and stuff. i can tell this is kindof getting to him in some ways or another and i have only this to say ' dear, dont bother abt what yr frens say or do. they're here to give u their advice but ultimately its yr choice. i gave u a choice too when i told u abt our 2 year separation. and u already made yr choice.' however, whoever those ppl who made a mockery out of him regarding his sincere feelings abt me, i feel, are seriously shallow. obviously, they've never experienced such feelings of love and loss ever in their lifetime so far so obviously, they'll never understand what its like to be in our situation. but thats ok, all i need in my life now is my church frens, my darhling dear, my family, bestie,and god. and thats all i need for now. muacks.